Perfection

Rainy days, books that take me to a different place, thrift stores, good music that speaks to my soul, scarves, glasses, fires on a cold day, learning something new, autumn leaves, the smell of the ocean, warm socks, sunrises and sunsets, stories from the past,  that moment when things make sense, dance, days spent on a blanket in the park, letters from home, steak, inspiration when you thought you had nothing left, Disneyland, genuine smiles, good conversation, eating with chopsticks, really cute nephews (and maybe someday I'll add nieces), advice from someone you trust, laughing really hard, when someone understands you even when you don't really understand yourself, love, moms, dads, sisters, brother, family, the gospel of Jesus Christ, the plan God has for me.....

This is a growing list of things that make my life happy.  This is how I see perfection through my imperfect, mortal eyes.  Have you ever asked yourself what the word perfect means to you?  The answer I came up with initially didn't exactly thrill me.  I fell into the perfection trap...you know the one I'm talking about. Let's begin another list shall we...

The perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect personality, the perfect life where you make no mistakes, endless talents, endless energy, smiles all day long, no pain, no suffering, no hardships, no disappointments, you can buy anything you want, do anything you want, everyone loves you....on and on and on and on...

That kind of perfection is unattainable.  It is unrealistic.  You might as well run for cover because that self-destructing bomb will be exploding in a matter of seconds.  And yet, everywhere we turn we see it. If we have things, we will be happy.  If we have a good job, we will be happy.  If we can check this and that and things off the list, we will be happy.  If I only had this, my life would be perfect, I wouldn't have to worry about anything else. Okay, I've exhausted my point I know, but the trap...it's real...and it stops us from true progression. It builds a nice, little stumbling block on our road to  perfection; the road that our Father in Heaven has paved with all of the innately personal things that can make us, you, me eternally happy. 

Here's the thing.  We are all imperfect people, so how can we have a perfect notion about anything really.  I only know of two perfect people.  3 Nephi 12:48 reads, "Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect." What is perfection?  It truly is in the eyes of the beholder.  And in this case...our beholders are our Father in Heaven and His son, Jesus Christ. They see who we have the potential to become eternally, not just momentarily.  The more I think about it, the more I recognize that this life isn't about defining perfection.  The more we try to do that, the more we take things into our own hands, see through our own eyes.  We allow our natural man tendencies to overcome all that God has infused within our very souls.  I believe perfection is attained in that moment, when we have done all we can to be the people God has prepared us to be, and then we still fall short.  We turn to Christ, rely on His atoning sacrifice and "be perfected in Him."  The atonement = perfection.  That is what God has promised us.  We should do away with all of these silly thoughts of what we as humans think perfection is.  Maybe we should let those who are perfect help us see what it  means to be authentically, legitimately, truly perfect.  I think it would do us some good.  Who's with me? 

Forgive the lack of comma usage.  I liked the sentiment and cannot fix the grammatical errors.  You can all deal:) 

Falling

I was playing wally-ball this morning. For those of you who know me, this statement should confuse you because well... I don't play sports. Nor do I really appreciate objects flying towards me at high speeds.  My first reaction is to duck or run and then perhaps let out a rather high pitch scream.  It has never been to kick, hit, or deflect whatever is coming at me. And yet, you will hear me talk a pretty mean game. But just be warned that is all I can do...talk.  That is, that was all I would do.  Now, among the unending lessons I have learned on my mission, I have been taught to appreciate and dare I say enjoy playing...yes that's right...sports.  So back to wally-ball.  Wally-ball (for one such as myself who is very limited in her knowledge of actual volleyball etiquette) is comparable to volleyball, but it is played in a racquetball court.  There is even an official "wally-ball" you play with .  Who knew?
     My first encounter with wally-ball was not as disastrous as I assumed it would be.  I even made contact with the ball a few times.  There was still some ducking and screaming--baby steps I tell myself...I have to ease in to this new sports playing life. Be proud of me please:)
Anyways...there is this one sister who has grown up playing volley ball and is especially adept in saving the ball by diving for it before in makes contact with the ground.  I admired her agility and judgement as she threw herself to the ground to save the ball time and again.  I sat thinking "Why can't I do that?" or better yet "Why won't I do that?"  Then I realized I do....just not to save a stupid little ball.
     If any of you happened to catch a glimpse of my legs at pretty much any given time in my life, it would have been likely to see a bruise or two manifesting its black, blue, green, purple, yellow self.  You dive, throw, roll, tuck, drop, slam onto the floor quite often while dancing.  It is always on purpose or if it isn't you always make it seem like it is.  Going from standing on two feet to somehow finding your way to the ground is one of my favorite things to do. You go to the floor for various reasons and most often to add drama to whatever movement you are doing. I love to fall.  It gives you a sense of things hanging in the balance. There is a second you float--almost like gravity has taken a little holiday and leaves you feeling weightless.  And then impact.  That balance has been disrupted and you find yourself in a new place rife with new possibilities for the movement. I'll say it again...I love to fall.
     I sat for a while pondering the disparity behind wanting to "dive for the ball" while dancing but not while playing wally-ball. Simple answer.  That difference is because I am invested in the movement and it's outcome much more than I will ever be invested in wally-ball and that outcome.  The impetus behind the action is the driving force.  The act is just a result.  A needed and valued result, but a  result nonetheless. My thoughts jumped to my life on a mission as it tends to do because...well...I'm on a mission.  Why am I here, why do I do the things I do, follow the rules I follow, sacrifice the things I've sacrificed?  I mean I could go somewhere, follow rules, and sacrifice things for a number of different reasons.  And yet, I don't choose to do so.  I'm here because I have found peace, answers, hope.  The restored gospel of Jesus Christ is where I found it. I'm here because "diving for the ball" in real life is the action it takes to produce change and growth.  We all can choose to act...or to dive.  I know that this gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth today.  I know that life is hard.  I know we all get bruises along the way. But I know that diving for the ball is worth it.  I also know that I can't tell you how worth it it is.  You have to find out for yourself.  And that is how I know that I have a Father in Heaven that loves me enough to allow me to choose, to figure it out.  Just a blessing.  Love you all.

rarefy

rar.e.fy  [rair-uh-fahy], verb 
1.  to make rare or rarer; make less dense.

2.  to make more refined, spiritual, or exalted. 

       Mmm...interesting word right? I like the less dense part.  When I think of something being less dense, the picture of a foggy day comes to mind. Here is a little story to illustrate my thought. I walk out my front door in the early morning to the ghostly haze and I think  "eery but very cool."  Fog, to me, is mysterious and all that is mysterious is intriguing.  The first moments in the mist are exhilarating. Things that were once familiar are foreign.  It's like I've stepped into a parallel universe.  It is new and exciting...for a bit.  Then the eery part hits me.  I can't really see where I'm going or what is around me.   A car's headlights come out of nowhere and I jump. I continue to walk down the sidewalk and almost run into someone coming the other way.  My walking skills are sometimes impaired under normal circumstances, the fog is not helping me one bit.  I begin to think,"when is this fog going to lift, when can I see things the way they truly are and not in this state of blurriness?"  As I continue to walk I notice the fog "lifting" or for my intents and purposes, it becomes less dense.  I begin to see the fuzzy outlines become defined. Solid forms and things with substance return to their natural states before me.  I have not (sadly) stepped into a parallel universe.  My thoughts and my actions were just a little clouded by the fog.  The less dense-ness has now allowed me to see the truth, the reality--definition and clarity.  
       So I know you are all thinking...where exactly is this all going.  Well I will tell you.  Read on good reader.  
       I've been thinking a lot about who I am...who I am as an individual, as a missionary, as a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, person you meet on the street. I think about how many of the qualities I possess came from me just deciding that is the way I am going to be and which came from our Father in Heaven.  Which traits are innate to the "daughter of God", Alexis Marie Smith and which are from the "jaded by the world", Alexis Marie Smith?  Under the microscope of personal inquiry and reflection of yesteryear, I have come to the conclusion that all of my unwanted personality traits come from this wonderful little gem of a word...PRIDE.

       Pride.  It's varying manifestations make it hard to recognize and even harder to fully eliminate.  But I don't really want to focus on defining pride and all of its intricacies.  Phew right? But I think time is much better spent if we forget about pride and focus on strengthening those traits we wish we had more of.  I want people to walk away from me knowing they are loved, appreciated, and have so much to offer the world.  Right now, pride tends to tap my good intentions on the shoulder and asks to butt in.  That dance is never a pretty one.  It is usually sloppy and full of overused movement and stolen choreography.           
       We are influenced by the cloudy  fog that is placed over our eyes.  We can't see things for what they are...we can only see things for what WE (our natural selves) or more often what our good friend Satan would have us see them as.  BUT the wonderful part of this life is we can rarefy--make less dense--those things we don't want in our lives.  It takes work.  It takes effort.  It takes being the bigger...dancer. It takes turning to our Father in Heaven and asking for His help and guidance. It's that second definition of rarefy--taking those weaknesses, turning them over to the Lord, and allowing Him to make them into strengths.  Everyone in the sound of my...blog.  Listen up.  I, Sister Alexis Marie Smith, am going to be that person that people walk away from feeling loved, appreciated and needed. Not just sometimes...but all the time.  Not just when I feel like it or when it is convenient for me.  This life is too short to stay in the fog of your own (insert insecurity, issue or fear here).  Step into the beautiful world we live in.  See those around you for the good people they are.  Don't get discouraged when people are a little on the mean side...or even when your yourself join them on occasion.  President Thomas S. Monson said, "You can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."  That's my new MO.  I am constantly adjusting my sails...but it's okay...that wind can be tricky.  Good thing we have the Master of the Sea on our side.  He's there...for everything.  Here's to my journey and yours.  Let's help each other okay?    

the beginning

The time has come to commence the blogging and who knew it would happen on my mission!  For those of you who are a little out of the loop, I am currently serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the ever sunny desert of Mesa, Arizona.  I have been out for...goodness...a little over 7 months now. Can I believe it? No...no I cannot.
Well, I wonder how many of you know why exactly I came on a mission.  I don't know if it is something I have really shared with many people.  Just so you all know...I am 24...soon to be 25.  There aren't many of us on missions.  Lives are being lived, children are being had, the world is being conquered and yet...here I am:) And you know, there isn't any place I'd rather be than right here doing what I'm doing.  That is something I've realized recently, but I'll save that for another day...yay for controlling my desires to veer off on tangents (which by the way always have a point or add to my story...at least in my mind they do).  Where was I...oh yes...us oldies (but goodies) are few and far between here in the mission field.  So these past few years since I've graduated from college and ventured into adulthood have been...well...all everyone says they will be.  Things were confusing, expensive, tempting, sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun, hard, mistake riddled--just a big process of learning and growing and then learning and growing some more.  Let's just say it was the time in my life that I was least close to my Father in Heaven because I chose to be that way.  Maybe because it comes at me in large quantities from both my mother's and father's side of the family, but I have always been a bit....shall we say...stubborn. And the need to figure things out for myself just fuels all of my decisions.  These past few years I have most definitely figured things out for myself the hard way.  Experience after experience led me to realize that the way I was living my life would get me nowhere near to being the happy, fulfilled, confident, unique, well-rounded person I wanted to be.  The decisions I was making were dragging me away from all I ever saw myself becoming.   I was, in essence, becoming a selfish, unhappy, follow the crowd, self-conscious, crazy person that I didn't recognize.   Then it hit me...like a ton of bricks, a frying pan to the head, an ACME anvil dropping on Wyile E. Coyote...the thing I was missing.  Would you all like to know what it is? Well let me tell you.  It was a personal relationship with the one who loves me the most...my Father in Heaven.  All my life I grew up being reminded who I am....A CHILD OF GOD.  Guess who I thought I was....Alexis Marie Smith...independent know-it-all who didn't need nuthin' from nobody and definitely didn't need anyone to tell her what to do.  Oh my.  Does this sound familiar to anyone else?  Please tell me it does for my sanity ha:)  Anyways...good thing every time I walked out the door I was lovingly (albeit annoyingly at the time) reminded who I was by my wonderful mother and father.  Some tiny part of me must have though it was a good thing because I remembered it, even after all these years.  In the very second I needed it the most, it came, loud and clear, wrapping me in its arms of familiarity. I am a child of God.  I have a unique, divine potential.  It took me getting rid of some not so classy habits I picked up, returning to church on a regular basis, reading my scriptures, and praying to my Father in Heaven.  But what really made the change is when I realized that God has a much better plan for me than I have for myself and maybe I should give Him a chance.  When I did, did life become just a walk in the park, full of sunny days, butterflies, and flowers?  No...no it did not.  Then why?  Why would I do such a thing?  Well...it was because life became so much more than what we consider to be perfect or easy.  Life became real.  It became meaningful.  It became a worthwhile compilation of chances.  Pardon the reference, but I believe that Mrs. G had it right when she said, "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...the facts of life." Things aren't easy...they never will be.  But without the bad, the mistakes, the heartaches, the disappointments, we would never know the good, the growth, the love and the support that is all around us.  I know that we have been sent here by a loving Father in Heaven who has a plan for you, for me.  This plan will allow us to be happy and to become the people we have the potential to be.  We will each go at it a different way and that is how God has intended it to be.  But we all can, through our Savior Jesus Christ, find our way back to our Father in Heaven, to live with those we love forever.  I want everyone to know of the happiness, the peace, the comfort, the hope I feel from the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I didn't come to this conclusion because I'm just a product of my environment.  I had to really search things out, make some mistakes, and ultimately get down on my knees and ask. 
That is the short...well shortish....version of why I came on a mission.  And that is my first blog.  I hope you all clap for me when you are done reading this.  This gospel is true.  Peace:)
How I got my answers too...watch:)